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No Longer Foreign: Agency Helps Families With Adoptions In Other Countries By FRANCES GRANDY
TAYLOR Any day now,
Ria Van Hoof will be going to China. She's waiting for the
phone call telling the family that a little girl is available
for adoption.
When Van Hoof and her husband, Dana Gordon, board the
plane, they will be accompanied by their two daughters, Maia,
6, and Ai Lin, 4.
Both daughters were also adopted in China. But despite Van
Hoof's familiarity with international adoption, she has
periods of anxiety. It comes with the territory.
"The biggest difficulty with international adoption is that
you have no control," said Van Hoof, of West Hartford. "You
worry about all the things that could affect the process. When
the Chinese Embassy was bombed [in Yugoslavia by the United
States], we thought, `Oh, my God, are they going to stop
adoptions?'"
That's where Penny L. Rearick comes in.
As executive director of the Adoption Resource Center of
Connecticut, she helps families who are adopting here and
abroad get through the tangle of bureaucracy that accompanies
the process, and through the emotional ups and downs.
"We don't actually place children. There are a lot of
really good adoption agencies, but people don't know how to
find them," Rearick said. "What we do is help people find the
good agencies, steer them away from the less than reputable,
and provide information and support."
The center, a non-profit agency based in Glastonbury,
offers what Rearick calls "adoption college" - courses and
classes especially for international adoption.
"It's a roller-coaster ride. There will be highs and lows,"
Rearick said. In the United States last year, 16,396 children
were adopted from foreign countries.
Van Hoof attended a talk by a therapist who discussed
bonding issues known as attachment. "It's very helpful," she
said. "It lets you know that if you run into trouble, there is
someone out there that can help you."
The most popular countries for international adoption are
China, South Korea and Russia. South Korea, which has had a
foreign adoption program for nearly 50 years, can be a
relatively smooth process. On the other hand, press reports
have documented problems concerning children raised in
orphanages in the former Soviet Union.
"The majority of those placements go very well," Rearick
said. "It's the ones that don't that you hear the most about."
The Adoption Resource Center gives families someone they
can work with locally while going through the international
adoption process, which usually involves agencies outside the
state, Rearick said. The center conducts home studies, a basic
component of any adoption. The home study costs about $1,400
and is conducted as a series of interviews in the home, in
conjunction with parent-education and -support groups.
The center has a staff of five, including licensed clinical
social workers and a marriage and family therapist. There is
no charge for support-group meetings. A recent seminar for
waiting parents was led by veteran adoptive parents who have
come through successfully.
Bruce Putterman and his wife, Teri Bayer, of West Hartford
recently adopted a baby girl, Karolina, from Guatemala. They
have two biological sons, Alex, 6, and Jack 4.
"They gave us some insight," Putterman said. "For example,
in Guatemala, children are constantly held when they are
young. So you can't just put her in a crib or swing, as we did
with our other children. It was good to know that and to be
braced for it."
Putterman said he enjoyed the camaraderie of meeting other
families who have adopted children from Guatemala. "It's like
a little club you never knew existed until you were thrust
into it," he said. "It's been a phenomenal experience."While
the average adoptive family is a married couple, 40 or older,
who have been unable to conceive, Rearick said, couples with
biological children are also turning to adoption to increase
their family size - and to give a home to a child who needs
one. Such families make up about 15 percent of their clients,
she said. The numbers of single parents and gay and lesbian
couples adopting children are also increasing.
"Our families run the rainbow," Rearick said.
The resource center also works with parents after the
adoption is complete.
"Adoption is a lifelong process," said Rearick. "It's not
just bringing the child home. Lots of agencies can do that.
Lots of issues arise as they grow up. We work with people now
so that they can successfully prepare for questions their
children will ask them and what society will throw at them."
Michelle and Martin Wuesthoff of New Britain have one
biological son, Erik, 7, and two adopted girls from Korea,
Noel Yung Joo, 2�, and Emilee Mee Jin, 7 months. Michelle
attended a seminar on adjustment issues. "I learned some
things I could do differently the second time around," she
said.
As the girls get older, Michelle said, "we have a
commitment to provide them with what they need, not being the
only Korean child they know." She said the family started
learning about Korean culture when their first daughter
arrived and have developed friendships with Korean people
here.
Ria Van Hoof said the family's trip to China is important
for their two girls, who are getting to the age where they are
beginning to ask questions about being adopted.
"This is how they got here, and I think it's important for
them to understand what went on and to see it themselves," she
said. She believes their presence will ease the transition for
the new little sister, who is 3 years old and knows only
Chinese. "I don't think they will have any problems
communicating. I have total faith in the kids."
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